When I was younger, my mom would make me stand in front of my bathroom mirror and say three things, out loud, that I like about myself. She had me do this exercise frequently, and specifically when I was feeling down and crying. It was incredibly uncomfortable, to have to face myself during some of my most vulnerable moments and state three things I like about myself. When I first started doing it, I’d say things like, “I like my eyelashes, my fingernails and my smile.” To be honest, I didn’t believe these things when I first started doing this. I said the first three things that came to mind because my mom refused to leave the room until I did it. It also usually ended with me laughing. I’ve almost always considered myself a bigger girl. Even when I was growing up, I remember always feeling and being bigger than most of my friends. This has continued into my adulthood, and I currently weigh the most I’ve ever weighed. However, when I look back at photos of myself from high school, I realize I wasn’t nearly as big as I felt during those years. I’ve also almost always considered myself to be one of the most confident women I know, as far as being comfortable in my skin. For years, people have asked me what I did to develop a positive body image and I’ve never really had a good answer. However as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that exercise my mom had me do had a lot to do with the confidence I have today. Truth be told, I don’t have a magical answer. The truth is, loving ourselves can be hard. Isn’t that crazy? We, as men and women, are conditioned to believe our bodies are supposed to look a certain way in society. Yes, in recent years, more plus size campaigns, models, clothing lines, celebrities, etc. have come forward to support plus size women and fashion. However, this idea that there is an “ideal” body image for women still exists. An article was published in “Forbes Magazine” about the movie “Miss Representation,” (which I highly recommend watching), and it listed out facts and statistics deemed alarming for women based off this documentary. One of the quotes are as follows,” 53% of 12 year old girls feel unhappy with their bodies, 78% of 17 year old girls feel unhappy with their bodies and 65% of women and girls have an eating disorder.” This is UNACCEPTABLE. (Mind you, these were statistics from 2011). I could write about all the ways in which we’re exposed to what the “ideal” woman’s body is supposed to look like, and the ramifications of such social constructs, but that’s an entirely separate blog post. What I will say is this: loving our bodies is difficult, and to some extent, I believe everyone struggles to embrace their bodies. But if there’s any advice I can give to anyone struggling with their body image, it’s to be intentional. Be mindful. Be purposeful. Be all of these things in the ways you think and talk about yourself. One thing you’ll never hear me say is anything degrading about my own body. Sure, I have days that I feel less attractive, but you will not hear me say things like, “I’m so fat,” or, “ugh, I hate my stomach, arms, legs, etc.” Change the way you talk about yourself! Speak the confidence into existence. For the record, I am not supporting unhealthy lifestyles. People often time want to make the argument that by me promoting positive body image, I’m supporting obesity, unhealthy eating habits, and lack of exercise. This is NOT what I am saying. What I am saying though, is hating ourselves is NOT a prerequisite to loving ourselves. We do not need to put ourselves down and shame ourselves in the process of getting our bodies where we want them to be. And we don’t need to hate ourselves if we’re not putting forth the effort yet to lose weight, or get more toned, or just live a healthier lifestyle. Work out BECAUSE you love your body. Eat right BECAUSE you love your body. Wear what makes you feel attractive and sexy BECAUSE you love your body. I am giving you permission to love your body!! I will close with this, confidence and positive body image doesn’t mean an absence of insecurities or flaws. It means embracing them. For example, my arms and my neck are probably my two biggest insecurities, mainly because they’ve changed the most as I’ve gained weight. However, I still don’t look in the mirror and pinch my arm fat and call myself disgusting. I put on the clothes that make me feel good, I look in the mirror (still very much so acknowledging that I don’t love my arms), and I speak positively of myself. I say things like, “yasss girl” or “dang, your booty looks nice girl.” I focus on the things I love, and I ACCEPT the things I don’t. We don’t need to live our lives in shame, disgust and self-hatred. The exercise my mom made me do in the mirror taught me two important things. First of all, it taught me that loving and accepting ourselves in our most vulnerable moments, AND learning to show our vulnerabilities compassion is by the far the most powerful thing we can do. Vulnerability is beautiful, and it is where inspiration comes from. Let yourself be and feel vulnerable, honor it, embrace it and choose to love yourself anyway. Second, it taught myself that by changing the way I talked about myself, I changed the way I thought about myself. Change the language you use. It’s okay to be imperfect, love yourself anyway. ABOUT THE AUTHOR I’m a family therapist/social worker at a local non-profit. I currently reside in Iowa, where I was born and raised. I am most passionate about topics related to mental health and positive body image, and try to be a voice for individuals who struggle in these areas. I’m a dog mom of two terrible dogs, but I love them dearly. In my free time, I spend time with family and friends, love on my dogs, and watch a lot of Netflix.
2 Comments
Lois Taylor
3/20/2019 01:48:35 am
Hannah you are amazing. You have just put down a lot of the same things I feel every day about life in general. If you think positively, you're life will feel so much better so accordingly if you feel better about you're body it will feel better and you'll start taking better care of it by doing the big and small things it needs. You do so much for others but I'm glad you remember to include yourself and I'm proud of you for taking this new step!
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11/5/2022 02:32:48 pm
Floor people red agreement sit. Apply movie cover degree.
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