What people don’t understand about multiracial relationships and families. My family is pretty cute (just look at the pictures). My husband is a handsome, Haitian African-American, college-educated chef. I’m a quirky, full-time marketing professional, rockstar mom. Our 2.5-year-old son, Rufus, has amazing complexion, awesome hair, and a charming personality. Some people see and appreciate the cuteness, and others loathe it. Yes, it is 2019, and some people still don’t like seeing multiracial couples and families. Now, just wait. I’m going to unleash my journalism background for two sentences: According to the 2010 U.S. Census, 2.9% of the population reported themselves as multiracial, and 15.1% of all new marriages were between spouses of a different race or ethnicity. Interracial (the term used in the law) marriages has only been fully legal in the U.S. since 1967 -- that’s only 52 years ago; thank you, Lovings. You’d think that after 52 years of legality interracial families would start to feel and look like the norm; nope! We still have people staring at us, saying ridiculous things, and making or giving rude body gestures toward us. My least favorite uncomfortable, yet common interactions include:
Yesterday I had to remind five of my closest friends “Multiracial family living is just tricky sometimes.” And then it was crickets. No one responded. They consider themselves progressive, all-accepting, “woke” citizens, and yet they can’t understand why we wouldn’t want to live in Alabama or Georgia with them. One said to me before my reminder, “Yeah, but there are a lot of magnificent Black enclaves in the south!” But, what about me?! I’m not Black. How are those enclaves going to accept me? I’m sorry, but you are not that woke!! This past fall, Rogers Park (our old neighborhood in Chicago) had a series of unsolved murders, and the suspect was around 6’, slim, wore all black, and wore a mask. People assumed he was black, and the racial profiling began. Mike, who matches the physical description and who happens to wear a black coat, had to be cautious while walking to the bus stop, just four blocks away. He had to make sure he looked friendly and wasn’t wearing his hood. Now just stop for a second and reflect on this. Can you imagine having to worry about being safe while walking just four blocks from your home? Something you’ve done every day for the past five years. Can you imagine having to look friendly at 5 AM, every day? That is what Mike had to do for more than a month! We stopped walking around the neighborhood after 5 PM when the sun started to set. Our white friends kept pushing us to go out with them or to stay later at the playground or at their homes. They couldn’t look past their white privilege to see that we don’t have the luxury of just going out whenever we want. One even snarkily suggested that it would be ok since I’m white. Ahhhh! Just because I’m white, it doesn’t cancel out my husband’s or son’s blackness. If someone doesn’t like black people they’re not going to care if I’m white and I’m walking with them. When I brought up the point of not feeling safe or feeling uneasy about the chance of being profiled, our friends felt embarrassed and began to understand that they’re not that “woke” [side note: I hate the term “woke,” but I feel like the people who use that term are the most “unwoke.”]. It’s nice to be in a circle of friends “who don’t see color,” but sometimes they, and everyone, need to see color to recognize privileges and how certain actions or current events can affect people of color and multiracial families. Here are some tips and considerations to make when talking and interacting with multicultural families, people, and couples: 1.) Don’t touch a person of color’s hair. Do you like your hair touched? 2.) If you’re going to talk about cultural appropriation, consider how someone who is of multiple cultures fits into the discussion. Don’t assume anything, and don’t think that just because one of your friends is OK with something that every person of color is OK with it. 3.) It is never OK to share racist thoughts or generalizations about any race 4.) It is OK to ask how the current political environment affects our every-day lives, but be ready to hear the truth and to give your support. 5.) We want to be an environment where our kids feel safe and don’t feel like outsiders. Please consider promoting environments that showcase all cultures so they can see representations of themselves. I should note that these tips and considerations may not be important to all multicultural units. Next time you happen upon a cute, multicultural family or couple just realize that they are still, most likely, facing adversities. Our woke culture is still not that woke. ABOUT THE AUTHOR Katie is a thirty-something wife and mom who happens to do marketing for a nonprofit legal technology association. She is a Des Moines, Iowa native but has lived in Syracuse, NYC, and Chicago. She recently moved to Easton,PA and is yearning for better weather so she can have human interaction that isn’t virtual (she works remotely). She had a deep appreciation for her family, food, beer, and spontaneous adventures.
1 Comment
Vera Sanchez
3/18/2019 06:46:33 am
I love you always Katie! Hit it right on the head with this one 💋
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